The Days
by HanaKimiCali
Summary: A glimpse into the lives of Kurt Hummel and Sebastian Smythe, on the same day every year. How often can two lives overlap over the span of ten years? Warning: Character death.
1. Chapter 1

_November 30th, 2015. New York City._

Kurt's favorite part about living in New York City was its autumns. This was his third autumn in the city and he couldn't wait for it to get started. He loved going out into the city in his long wool pea coat and his array of knitted scarves. Strolling through the street, watching his icicle breath mingle in the air around him. He didn't think he would ever get over the feeling of autumn in his favorite city.

So the morning of November 30th, he pulled on his favorite Burberry pea coat, a gift from Isabelle for his birthday last year. He wrapped a bright red scarf around his neck and turned the collar up to protect him from the wind outside. It was a Saturday, his day off but he was going to brave the weather outside to go to his favorite coffee shop. His coffee maker had been busted for nearly a month and he was too lazy to go shopping for a new one so he found himself in coffee shops more often than usual. Plus, it was an excuse to get out of the house and just be part of the crowd; just another part of the general public going about their lives.

The six block walk to the coffee shop was rather uneventful, he walked along to the beat of Madonna blasting through his headphones until he arrived at the shop. He stood in line and waited to order his non-fat mocha. Once it was finally in his hands, he savored the warmth with a smile. He made his way out the door, back into the cold when he collided, coffee first into something solid. Someone. He looked down at his pea coat, horrified as mocha dripped down the expertly stitched lapel. He looked up to see who he had crashed into, his eyes widened in horror.

He was looking right into the face of Sebastian Smythe. A very irritated looking Sebastian Smythe. They looked at each other for a long moment, recognition bleeding into their expressions quickly. A second later Kurt scrambled for his napkin to try his best to wipe away the coffee on his coat.

"I'm sorry I wasn't looking where I was-"

"Not even a 'Hey Sebastian - long time no see! You're looking good these days'?" Sebastian said with his usual smirk in place. Kurt took a step back and took a good look at him. He couldn't help but admit right off the bat that he looked really good. He had a bit of scruff shadowing his cheeks and his hair a windswept look to it, a far cry from his High School CW days. His eyes still had that mischievous sparkle to them but it seemed a bit more mature. He wasn't going to admit it out loud but he liked what he saw.

"Seeing as how my coffee is soaking into a thousand dollar jacket, I don't really care for pleasantries at the moment." Kurt shot back, his eyes looking back down to his jacket. He could feel Sebastian's eyes on him. Just as Sebastian opened his mouth to say something back they were interrupted by a car honking. Sebastian turned and saw a sandy blonde man around their age in the drivers seat smiling in their direction.

"Ben! What are you doing here?" Kurt practically squealed as he walked away from Sebastian and towards the car. Before Kurt got back into the car he turned to look back at Sebastian. He took in his whole form, how tall and lean his frame was, engulfed by his dark black coat. He smiled a bit and waved goodbye.

"See you." Kurt called out before climbing into the passenger seat of the black Lexus. Sebastian watched Kurt lean in for a kiss and say 'I thought you were meeting me at 4?' before the car pulled away from the curb and out of the parking lot. By the time the car was out of sight, Sebastian had already decided that he was going to call Blaine when he got home; who was attending Berklee College of Music in Boston. He was going to find out where Kurt worked and have a brand new, coffee stain free Burberry pea coat waiting for him at the office Monday morning.


	2. Chapter 2

_November 30, 2016. New York City._

Sebastian was trying this best to not get too excited, he was just going out for a celebratory drink with Kurt. He forced himself to calm his breathing as he gazed back at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, making sure his hair had the perfect swept away look. he had to remind himself that Kurt was getting married tomorrow and that that was the entire reason for this outing, to celebrate Kurt's last night as a free man. Sebastian was nervous, not only was Kurt about to take a huge step in his life but he was also nervous about losing his best friend.

As he got dressed in a simple black v-neck and jeans he thought about how much a year can change everything. After their initial reunion at the coffee shop, the world as they knew it had been changed. Now, here he was the night before Kurt's wedding and he couldn't believe it, he was a groomsman. If anyone had told him when he was in high school that he would be here now, he would have scoffed at them; maybe sang to them about how much of an idiot they were. He never would have let the person live it down. But it was true, he was living it now.

he gave himself a once over in the mirror, grabbed his jacket and left his apartment in a hurry; he was supposed to meet Kurt at Chelsea's Pub in twenty minutes. He stepped out of his building and was hit by a wave of cold night air. He hailed a cab and was on his way. One thing that he didn't account for was the traffic. Because of this he wasn't surprised when he arrived at the bar, twenty minutes late to see Kurt stiffly smile at him, which was a sure sign that he was upset. Sebastian sat down on a bar stool beside Kurt; resting a hand on his knee.

"I am so sorry, my cab got caught in traffic." Sebastian motioned for the bartender and ordered himself a beer and another Long Island iced tea for Kurt, who took it without so much as a thank you or a nod. After a few moments of silence and just sitting together drinking their drinks, Kurt finally broke the silence.

"You know, I'm happy." Kurt said with a small smile, his voice just loud enough to hear over the music in the background. He looked up at Sebastian, right in the eyes and Sebastian could tell immediately that he had already had at least one drink while he was waiting for him to arrive.

"I really am happy with Ben." Kurt said, his eyes bloodshot already.

"Why does that sound like a stock answer?" Sebastian asked just before he noticed Kurt glance down at his lap. Sebastian still had his hand on Kurt's knee; he pulled it off quickly but Kurt just laughed it off. His own pale hand reached out and took Sebastian's hand again and placed it back on his knee.

"Don't start being modest now, you've never been one to abide by the common rules of personal space. That's one of the reasons Ben never really liked you." Kurt said with a playful smile and Sebastian could feel the back of his neck become flushed and hot. He was well aware of how much Ben disliked him. He was always touchy, it was just how he was but he was even more so with Kurt. He was always petting his hair, straightening his bowties, pulling him into unnecessary hugs. As they grew closer over the year that was just how they became around each other. Although, Sebastian would be the first one to admit that would do it more than usual around Ben just to see if he could get a rise out of him. Another reason Ben wasn't so keen on Sebastian was because he knew their history, Kurt had told him stories of how Sebastian used to treat him in high school. Even though Sebastian had already apologized to Kurt for all of those things; he admitted that he only treated Kurt that way because he wanted Blaine for himself not because he actually thought them to be true. These days they would mostly laugh about it considering neither of them ended up with Blaine. He had ended up in Boston and the two of them had ended up best friends in New York.

"You know I don't care what Ben thinks." Sebastian said simply and Kurt opted to take a large gulp of his drink instead of answer Sebastian.

"You know...he's always said that you have a thing for me." Kurt blurted out and Sebastian felt every cell in his body freeze in fear. He looked up at Kurt who just sat silently, waiting for a response. Sebastian did his best to convincing laugh off what he had said, although to his ears it sounded like a factory laugh.

"If I did have a thing for you don't you think I would have done something about it by now?" Sebastian quipped and for a split second he saw the sparkle leave Kurt's eyes. What Kurt would never admit out loud were all the times that he had wanted him to do something over the past year. All those fights that he and Ben had where Kurt would end up drunk at Sebastian's apartment and Sebastian would throw on the stereo as loud as it would go; he would stand tall in the center of the room and command Kurt to dance it off. They would dance together until all hours of the night; ending up breathless on the couch, inches away from sleep. In those moments he would forget why he and Ben were even fighting and he would just be happy. In those few surreal instances Kurt would wish that Sebastian would just lean over and kiss him, make him forget all about the weight that was pressing down on his shoulders.

It seemed like a blessing that it never happened. For one, Kurt wasn't one to be unfaithful and two, he didn't want there to be anything to validate Ben's paranoid delusions.

"In fact, if I had a thing for you I would have been chasing _you_ in high school instead of Blaine." Sebastian said honestly before he took the last swig of his beer and set the empty bottle at the end of the bar; he waved for another as Kurt gingerly sipped from his drink. They were silent while the bar patrons surrounding them broke out in loud fits of laughter and chatter. The place was teaming with noise, groups of friends dancing together, hollering obscenities at one another as the alcohol began to take a hold of their inhibitions. Sebastian's eyes watched the crowd as he simultaneously watched Kurt out of the corner of his eye.

"Don't...tell me you're getting cold feet." Sebastian said, trying to change the subject away from times past. Kurt met his eyes and Sebastian could read him like a map. Of course he was getting cold feet, who didn't?

"Kurt, you and Ben have been together for two years, you both love each other. Why are you so nervous?" Sebastian asked, his hand still on Kurt's knee. He affectionately moved his thumb along the soft denim covering Kurt's warm knee and it brought comfort to both of them. Kurt closed his eyes, he was afraid to bring up such things the night before his wedding but whenever he looked into Sebastian's eyes, he couldn't help but desperately want to spill a world of secrets. Sebastian just waited patiently for Kurt to speak.

"W got into an argument last week." He said simply and Sebastian shrugged.

"You two always argue. You disagree, you fight, you apologize, you fuck and everything goes back to normal." Sebastian said with a painful smile, he was trying his best to keep his emotions at arm's length. Kurt shook his head.

"It was different this time. He said-he called me useless." All the color drained from Sebastian's face. His first instinct was to find Ben and give him a piece of his mind. He shoved the thoughts away when Kurt spoke again.

"He said that my job held no worth, that nobody needed fashion. That he wished I had some kind of ambition because he didn't want to spend his whole life supporting me." Kurt took a large gulp of his drink and breathed deep, obviously trying his hardest to keep his emotions at bay.

"No ambition? Kurt, you practically shit ambition. He doesn't know what the hell he's talking about, okay? Like being a goddamn newspaper editor contributes more to society than fashion?" Sebastian was letting his feelings get the best of him, he was getting pissed and with two beers already consumed he was starting to feel a bit heady. He looked at Kurt, who's eyes looked so tired. Sebastian couldn't take it so he kept his gaze on his hand, still resting on Kurt's knee.

"Why did you pick this place?" He heard Kurt ask after a few quiet moments; they both glanced back at the dance floor. Sebastian just smiled sweetly at him while he motioned for the bartender to com over.

"Don't you remember?" Sebastian asked coyly and Kurt turned his eyes away from the dance floor to look at Sebastian. He watched him order himself a shot of Jim Beam. He offered Kurt another drink but Kurt just waved it off; two was enough for him. Sebastian just smiled brightly at him.

"Last year, this is the first bar that we drank at as friends." Kurt's eyes lit up at the realization. He couldn't believe he had forgotten such an important event to the both of them; to their friendship. They smiled at each other before Sebastian turned away from Kurt and downed his shot in one long gulp. He face contorted into disgust for a quick moment before his smile returned. He stood quickly, letting his hands fall from Kurt's knee and grabbing his hand instead.

"We're dancing." Sebastian said as if it had been the obvious chain of events from the beginning. Kurt wanted to put up a fight but he knew that it wouldn't do any good against someone as determined as Sebastian; he always had a way of getting Kurt to do anything that he asked. So he abandoned his prime spot at the bar and followed Sebastian out onto the dance floor. They danced for hours, letting everything around them just melt away. When he was back in his bed later that night, Kurt thought that there couldn't have been a better way to spend his last night of freedom.


	3. Chapter 3

_November 30, 2017. New York City. _

"You have got to be kidding me, you called me over here for this?" Sebastian stood in the middle of Kurt's bedroom, beer in hand. Kurt just looked at him with curiosity and concern in his eyes. He didn't understand why Sebastian would be so upset, it was completely within his ordinary behavior to drag Sebastian out of his house in the middle of his lazy Saturday to help him pick out his outfit.

"Why else would you be here?" Kurt asked. He turned to look away from Sebastian and back into his closet. Sebastian couldn't help but smile at his absurdity.

"Moral support?" Sebastian offered while he sipped on his beer and sat down on the small bench in front of Kurt's vanity. Kurt tried his best to hide his growing laughter.

"This is moral support." Kurt practically shouted from the cavern of his closet, tossing shirts and pants every which way.

"This is helping you pick out the perfect outfit for your date. Your date, not mine." Sebastian said with a laugh but really he understood. This was always Kurt's behavior when he was nervous, he over thought everything and left Sebastian to be the one to make sense of it all. Kurt continued to cause a mess in his closet and Sebastian couldn't help but feel somewhat amused.

"Maybe if you talk about this guy it will make you less nervous and more excited." Sebastian suggested and Kurt paused in the closet for a moment before walking out and looking at his best friend sitting at his vanity. He stood with his hand on his hip, his outfit only half put together. His white collared shirt looked lonely without a vest to pull everything together and his pants were sinfully tight.

"Okay, um - his name is Bryan. He started at Vogue in the spring as an assistant. He's good, really good. He's about your height, dark brown hair and eyes. Great personality. He...he seems like he has a lot to offer." Kurt finished as he pulled on a charcoal grey vest and buttoned it up. Sebastian just gave him an encouraging smile.

"He sounds like a winner." Sebastian commented. "Where is he taking you?" He asked as Kurt was pulling out his ankle length black boots and looked at them appraisingly before deciding that they were right for his outfit.

"Some French restaurant in The Village." Kurt said with a shrug, not noticing Sebastian's grimace. He felt that going to an French restaurant on a first date was a bit too cliché. Kurt sat down on the edge of his bed as he laced up his boots, taking long steady breathes; trying his best to calm his rapid heart.

"Honestly Kurt, you have no reason to be nervous. You've been out of the dating game for a year now, it's time to get back on the horse." Sebastian said with a caring smile, setting his empty beer bottle down on the vanity. Kurt just sighed.

"What if he thinks I'm damaged goods? He's not going to want to date me when he finds out that I backed out of my own engagement." He sounded frantic, his voice getting higher and louder as he continued to talk about it. Sebastian knew that if he didn't stop Kurt now it would turn into a full blown panic attack. He stood and stepped over to Kurt until he was standing right in front of him. He bent down so that he could be face to face with Kurt. He lifted a hand to his face and brushed a few strands of hair back into place. Sebastian looked into Kurt's eyes, both sets mirror images of the other.

"If he think that way about you then he's definitely not worth your time." Sebastian let his hand fall onto Kurt's shoulder and he squeezed it a bit, the pressure of Sebastian's closeness gave him comfort. It seemed that Sebastian always knew what to say to make him feel better.

"And wear the hippo broach, it will catch his attention." Sebastian said before turning away, heading for the door.

"Wha-where are you going?" Kurt called out.

"To grab another beer." Kurt just rolled his eyes and went to check himself out in the mirror.

"You owe me a six-pack." Kurt shouted into the void. He heard a mumbled response from Sebastian in the kitchen but couldn't make out what he had said. He just smiled and continued to tug at bits of his outfit, trying to make every inch of himself look perfect for tonight.

Sebastian was on the verge of falling asleep when a knock at the door stirred him back into consciousness. He waited for his eyes to completely regain their focus and for his clouded mind to clear. He had spent the entire evening drinking along in his apartment, watching re-runs of RuPaul's Drag Race. He hadn't planned on doing it but thoughts of Kurt out of his date with Bryan, who had a lot to offer, it had consumed him all night so he decided to chase it away with alcohol. He heard the knocking again so he stood slowly, shirtless and walked to the front door. When he looked through the peep hole he was surprised to see a very irritated looking Kurt on the other side of the door.

Sebastian unlocked the door and opened it, leaning against the door frame, he was about to speak but Kurt got to it first.

"Would it kill you to answer your phone?" Kurt asked as he stormed into the apartment and straight into Sebastian's white and pristine kitchen. It was pristine besides the empty cardboard skeleton of a six-pack on the counter. Kurt motioned to it quickly before taking a seat at the island in the middle of the kitchen.

"Healthy dinner." Sebastian didn't want to start an argument so instead of responding he just rolled his eyes. Kurt shrugged and changed the subject.

"Seriously though, I tried calling you like six times." Kurt stated as he leaned his elbows against the granite counter top. Sebastian looked him over, noticing that he had taken his advice and worn the hippo broach. Sebastian just tiredly shrugged his shoulders.

"My phone must be dead." He lied, he had turned it off because he didn't want to Kurt to call him after his date and tell him about how amazing it was.

"Well, my date...sucked." Kurt said, looking down at his feet. Sebastian tried to mask his look of surprise with a look of concern.

"Come again?" Sebastian asked, he wondered if he was dreaming or if he was still drunk and was just imagining that Kurt was saying these words.

"It sucked. He was so uninteresting. We literally have nothing in common besides fashion and he is severely lacking in that department. He thought my hippo was a platypus." Sebastian couldn't help but laugh. He loved watching Kurt when he was riled up like this, his eyes gave into that wild look that Sebastian couldn't get enough of. He wouldn't say it out loud but he was glad that Kurt hadn't enjoyed the date. He knew that Kurt was ready to start dating again but _he_ wasn't ready yet. He hadn't had Kurt to himself for long enough.

"He was just going on and on about his ambitions, how he was going to take the fashion world by storm! All I kept thinking was that I needed to get out of that restaurant and get here." Kurt looked up into Sebastian's eyes and smiled; it was enough to make Sebastian spark back to life. He was overwhelmed with his affection for Kurt, more so than any other time with any other person in his entire life. It was times like these that made them best friends, they could say anything and do anything with each other; anything at all. Kurt hadn't even realized that he was crying until Sebastian reached out a hand and wiped the tear stain off his cheek. Kurt's eyes were sparkling blue and he looked so rejected as if he was taking Bryan's flaws personally, like it was a reflection of how dateable he was.

"May I make a suggestion?" Sebastian asked and Kurt just smiled and nodded.

"Why don't I put on a pot of tea, we get you into some PJ's and we watch RuPaul's Drag Race?" Sebastian suggested knowing full well that Kurt couldn't resist the three things that he had just mentioned. Kurt's smile grew.

"God, yes please." Kurt muttered. Sebastian stepped closer and planted a firm kiss on Kurt's cheek, ignoring how his neck flushed at the contact. He turned to the stone and busied himself with making their tea as Kurt trudged through Sebastian's dresser to find suitable pajamas. He finally settled on a pair of plaid cotton pants and a NYU Law t-shirt which was just a bit too long for him. When he stepped back in to the living room he heard the whistle of the tea kettle and the bustle of movement in the kitchen. He sat down in the center of the couch and looked around the room, his eyes settling on the mantle above the fireplace, only two photos stood upright and in plain sight. One of Sebastian and his younger sister, Isabella who lived in Paris with their mother; and a picture of himself and Sebastian. It was outdoors on one of the many hikes that they had taken upstate. They had conquered the trail and asked a fellow hiker to take a picture of them. Sebastian stood a head taller than Kurt, holding his arms over his head, flexing his muscles. Kurt just had an expression that was mixture of pure excitement and exhaustion. It was one Kurt's favorite photographs that they had taken together over the years. He was always comforted by Sebastian's apartment, he was surrounded by so many memories that filled him with a warm fuzzy feeling that took a hold of his around the middle and refused to let go.

Sebastian walked back into the living room and his heart clenched at the sight of Kurt enveloped in his clothing. He loved the look of Kurt so casual, it was always as if he walls were finally let down and he could be completely relaxed. He set two mugs down on the round coffee table, steam rising up in transparent tendrils.

He clicked on the television and Drag Race came on and he settled on the seat at the end of the couch, he reached down the side and pulled on the lever that made the bottom of the couch pop up to recline. Sebastian let himself get comfortable, as did Kurt. Kurt picked up his mug and gently blew on the hot liquid before taking his first cautious sip; letting it warm him from head to toe.

"This is a great episode." Kurt mumbled as he set his drink back down on the coffee table and stretched himself out on the couch; laying his head on the fluffy pillow on the end of the couch. He pushed his feet completely into Sebastian's lap, causing Sebastian to quietly laugh under his breath. Once Kurt was comfortable he sighed and let his body completely relax.

"This is perfect." Kurt mumbled, his voice echoing just how tired he really was. Sebastian just smiled and kept his eyes forward even though he was watching Kurt out of the corner of his eyes. He watched Kurt silently until he fell asleep. Sebastian was on the edge of falling asleep as well, his last thought before sleep took him was of Kurt and how he wished every night would end in just the same way.


	4. Chapter 4

_November 30, 2018. Lima, Ohio._

Kurt loved waking up without the aid of an alarm clock, there was no better feeling than opening your eyes of your own accord and feeling your body slowly wake up. He had been in Lima for a few days, taking some much needed vacation time, away from the bustling life of New York City's fashion industry. He lazily sat up in bed, stretching his relaxed limbs. He heard his text message alert ring out from his cell phone that was across the room, sitting on top of his old vanity. He slowly stood and walked over to retrieve it and smiled when he saw that the text message was from Blaine.

'_Don't forget! Today 11:30!_' it said and Kurt couldn't help but roll his eyes; some things never change. He typed back that he would be there and then glanced at the clock. It had just turned to 9:15. He had better start to get ready so that he could be there in time. He opened the door to his old bedroom and walked out, he was making his way towards the linen closet to get a towel for the shower when he heard laughter from the kitchen. Seconds later, Burt Hummel stuck his face through the door frame and looked at Kurt with an amused smile on his face.

"Blaine asks that you don't take too long making yourself pretty or else you'll never make it." Burt said with a smile. Kurt repeated his gesture of rolling his eyes and looked at his Dad with an amused smile; both men shook their head. Burt went back into the kitchen, amused chuckles leaving his body. Kurt even heard him say under his breath, '_some things never change'_.

An hour later, Kurt was patiently standing in line at the Lima Bean. He looked at the faces around him and thought about all the times that he spent here during high school. Dates with Blaine, after school coffee dates with Rachel and Santana and of course, he could never forget all the times spent swapping snarky comments with Sebastian. He could almost laugh looking back at all of it, Sebastian all coifed hair and smooth lines in his Dalton uniform picking on him for being fashion forward. Sometimes he wished that he could go back and change things, become friends with Sebastian back in high school instead of building a rivalry with him.

It was his turn to order his coffee, he stepped forward and was about to give his order to the barista when a voice rang out from behind him.

"Just a Grande mocha, non-fat for his guy and a regular drip for me." Kurt turned and was face to face with Blaine Anderson for the first time in three years.

"Blaine!" Kurt managed to get out with a strangled laugh as he launched himself into Blaine's open and inviting arms. They pulled away and moment later and Blaine paid the barista and they moved out of the way of the line. Kurt gave him a long up and down appraisal and quickly deduced that he liked what he saw. Boston was obviously treating Blaine very well; his hair was no longer gelled down to his scalp but it was still well kept, short and curly just how Kurt liked it. He had just the slightest five o'clock shadow that traced the sharp lines of cheekbones. He wore a light blue button up shirt with a heavy knitted cardigan pulled over and some well fitted trousers, still stylish as always but a bit more casual than he used to dress in high school.

"God, you look amazing!" Kurt couldn't help but blurt it out when he took in the complete vision of Blaine standing in front of him. They couldn't keep their smiles to themselves as they waited for their coffee. Once they retrieved their drinks, they took them and settled into a small two person table towards the back of the coffee shop. Once they sat down and started talking it felt as if they had never been apart, as if it wasn't seven years since they had been in high school.

"So, you're about finished with Berklee. What are you going to do next?" Kurt asked and he watched Blaine over the rim of his coffee cup.

"I'm actually moving to Seattle on a Fellowship. There's a really great composition program there...so, I'm heading in that direction." Blaine said with a proud smile, he could hardly even sit still. "What about you?" Blaine asked as he pretended not to notice that Kurt's smile had faltered a bit.

"My boss, Isabelle, had been trying to convince me to move to the Vogue branch in Paris. She thinks I'm quote _'wasting my time on small-minded American fashionistas_' end quote." Kurt laughed it off but Blaine remained quiet, contemplating what Kurt had just said.

"So, why don't you?" Blaine asked and Kurt just looked up at him, his eye brows furrowed as if Blaine had just told a really horrible joke.

"I have too much tying me here." Kurt said, trying to fiddle with the sleeve of his coffee cup to avoid making eye contact with Blaine. He knew that if he kept looking into Blaine's eyes, that everything would fall apart in front of him; Blaine still had that effect on him. He knew the reasons why he was staying in New York. He didn't want there to be an ocean between him and his father, there was also Isabelle and his love of New York itself. He also knew full well that there was another reason that was keeping him standing still, he just didn't want to admit it or think about it too hard.

"I know that look Kurt, what's on your mind." Kurt sighed, his shoulders dropping. Blaine always knew how to read him. The pauses between his words spoke volumes. There was silence around them for a few minutes, Blaine just patiently waiting for him to speak across the table.

"I can't leave Sebastian." Kurt mumbled, his voice cracking a bit over the man's name. He couldn't understand how it could feel good and hurt to admit something all at the same time. Blaine didn't look surprised, he didn't laugh.

"Are you two...?" He started to ask, stuttering on the second half of the question but Kurt quickly interrupted him.

"No! No - just best friends. He's been having a lot of issues lately. The firm he's working for put him on a suspension because of some outburst in the courtroom. In the middle of a trial he's...he's been drinking a lot." Kurt said in a near whisper, like he wasn't sure if he should be confiding in Blaine over something as serious and personal as this. He chanced a glance at Blaine's face and he could see concern written all over it.

"I know that Sebastian is going through things but you can't let him hold you back." Blaine said, the last thing that he wanted was to see Kurt throw away his dreams because of someone with a drinking problem. Blaine thought that but he knew that it was so much more than that; Sebastian was so much more than that.

"You don't understand Blaine...he needs me." Kurt said a bit louder, gaining his confidence back. When Blaine didn't say anything in response for a few moments, Kurt looked up at him and found a curious expression on Blaine's face. It looked like a mixture of a calm smile and utter surprise.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Kurt continued to look at him with large unblinking puppy eyes and Blaine couldn't stand it anymore so he said it, without much tact or beating around the bush, he just said it out loud.

"You're very clearly in love with him." Blaine said. The first sound that followed was an eruption of laughter from Kurt.

"With Sebastian?" Kurt asked through strangled laughter and he did his best to avoid looking into Blaine's eyes. He watched people walking through the coffee shop, watched the workers go about their duties. Anywhere but Blaine.

"You have been for the past two years at least." Blaine said as he sipped his coffee. This visit was going much differently than either of them had expected.

"And you're high..." Kurt mumbled.

"I'm not. I'm not blind or deaf either. I hear the way you talk...when you talk about him." Blaine said, watching Kurt, who was still intently avoiding his gaze.

"We're just friends." Kurt tried to say louder but it came out as a whisper.

"You're always worrying about him. Putting his needs before your own just like you did with me before when we were still hopelessly in love with each other." Blaine said with a reminiscent smile gracing his lips.

"I don't think-" Kurt started but was stopped by Blaine raising his hand, signaling him to stop.

"Kurt..." When Kurt finally looked back up at Blaine he could practically feel the resolve melting from his face and Blaine could see it as well, it was obvious in the way his eyes softened when he watched Kurt. His emotions were always painted across his face, it was one of his traits that he disliked the most; people could always read him like an open book. He wanted to look away, he wanted to hide his eyes in the sea of people and change the subject; he wanted to stop talking about Sebastian with Blaine because Blaine always knew everything.

"Are you afraid? Are you afraid that if you let him in he'll hurt you?" Blaine asked the simplest question, the first one that came to mind and once again he was eye to eye with Kurt. His eyes were filling up quickly, tears leaking into every crevice of his eyes, threatening to spill over at any second.

"I'm afraid that _I'll_ hurt him. He knows my track record better than anyone because he's been there for all of it. You, Ben, even that one-date-ditchable Bryan! I'm afraid that he wouldn't want to be with someone like-" Blaine spoke over Kurt.

"Don't even finish that sentence. You think he wouldn't want to be with you because of what? Failed relationships? Mistakes that were made? He would be a complete fool if he didn't." Kurt tried his best to smile even though a few tears had streamed from his eyes during his confession and he was having a hard time controlling his emotions.

"Kurt, you need to say something to him." They sat together quietly for a while as Blaine's words sank in.

"Plus, you guys are kind of perfect for each other. I've thought so for a while." Blaine said with a playful smile. Kurt couldn't stop all the conflicting emotions that he was feeling in that moment but one thing that he did know for sure was that Blaine was right. He was more right about this than anything else in his life, Kurt was completely in love with Sebastian and for the past few years he had just been denying himself the satisfaction of admitting it. Kurt reached out across the table and took Blaine's free hand in his own and they smiled at each other.

"You really do look amazing, Blaine." Kurt spoke with all sincerity, as much ancient history as their relationship was, he knew a part of him would always be in love with Blaine Anderson and it showed through in their ongoing friendship and willingness to help each other through everything. Blaine gave him one of his award winning smiles and they finally decided it was time to change the subject of conversation to much lighter things.

That night as Kurt lay in his old bed, in his old bedroom, he tried his best to make sense of all his conflicting thoughts crashing through his mind. It had almost been a revelation this afternoon, admitting out loud to someone that he had feelings for Sebastian. That he had been harboring real feelings for him for a long time and that maybe that was an unconscious reason for all of his failed relationships; because somehow he knew that they weren't who he was supposed to be with.

He held his cell phone in his hands. His fingers hovering above the touch screen over Sebastian's name. He wondered if he could do this, if it was even right to do this over the phone. Could he put everything out on the line for Sebastian, spread all of his cards on the table and wait for him to make his move. He shook his head and just gave in, pressing call and pressing the cool plastic to his ear. He could practically hear his heart fluttering in his ears and it made him feel even more nervous. He wondered why he couldn't just get his nerves under control and be calm about this. There was nothing to worry about, he was only about to confess to his best friend that he was in love with-

_'Hey there, you've reached Sebastian's cell phone. I'm away from my phone at the moment but if you just leave me a voicemail, I promise to get back to you as soon as I'm able.' _

Kurt didn't wait for the beep before he shut off his phone. Letting it drop to his side, and uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.


	5. Chapter 5

_November 30, 2019. Montmartre, France. _

Kurt's alarm went off at exactly seven A.M. on his last day in Paris. It had been an incredible weekend, not only had he gotten to rub elbows with some of France's Fashion Elite, all his free time had been spent in cafes, restaurants and bars with the one and only Sebastian Smythe. Sebastian had decided to take a leave of absence from work only two months before and was living in an apartment that his father rented throughout the year for when he wanted to visit Isabella. Sebastian came to try and retain some peace of mind while he was away from the stress of work, he needed the quiet. When Kurt had called and informed him that he was coming to Paris for business, Sebastian had insisted that Kurt would stay with him while he was in the city.

Kurt sat up in his four poster bed and recalled memories of his magical week in Paris. It was his first time being in the city known for its lights and his boss had been right, he had completely fallen in love with the city. Especially with Sebastian with him, showing him the ins and outs of the city, little known places; nooks and crannies that weren't in any tour guides. Every night was filled with something new that made his eyes glow with wonder. He ran his hand through his tousled hair and stepped off the bed into some house slippers. As he walked down the stairs, each one creaking under the weight of his steps, he heard the sound of dishes clinking together in the kitchen down the hall.

He was greeted by a view of Sebastian cooking eggs in nothing but cotton pajama pants, his toned back facing Kurt. Although they were nothing but best friends, Kurt couldn't help but admire the view. Sebastian moved in smooth motions, as if he was as light as a cloud moving through life with poise and ease; like a painting. Every simple gesture a brush stroke. After a few moments of observing Kurt thought it unfair to not alert Sebastian of his presence so he cleared his throat. When Sebastian turned to look at him, he was met with the most glorious, early morning, eye crinkling toothy smile and it sent shivers from his fingers to his toe tips. For a flash second Kurt wondered what it would be like to start every day like this. Breakfast with Sebastian, comfortable sharing each other's spaces in their Montmartre apartment. He shook the thoughts away when he heard Sebastian's throaty laugh cross the room.

"Clearly you haven't completely woken up yet. Get in here and have some cover before you zone out into oblivion." Sebastian said with a laugh as he scooped a spoonful of eggs onto a plate; toast popping up noisily from the toaster.

"Toast too? What's the occasion?" Kurt asked as Sebastian set down his plate in front of him and turning back to the counter to pour him a cup of freshly brewed coffee.

"It's your last night in town. I want it to be perfect and in order to accomplish that, you have to have a home cooked breakfast." Sebastian said as he gave Kurt his cup of coffee and then sat himself down at the small table, across from Kurt. Sunshine cascaded in from the large window and they ate their breakfast in comfortable silence.

"So what else do you have planned for today?" Kurt asked after they had both inhaled their food and happily sipped on their coffee; both of them about ready to pour their second cup. Sebastian smiled sweetly and gazed out the window, the sunshine catching off of his chestnut hair. Kurt could see the beginnings of a five o'clock shadow on his chiseled cheeks; he just wanted to reach out and touch the rough hair and feel the warmth of his cheek beneath his fingers.

"We're going to make this your best night in Paris." Sebastian said with a playful smile as he sipped on his coffee. This was Kurt's favorite way to see Sebastian, no holds barred, simply 100% natural Sebastian. Carefree.

Kurt's day in the office was uneventful, he didn't get any work done considering the entire Vogue staff had thrown him an impromptu going away celebration with cakes and crepes. The most he got done was putting some finishes touches and changes on a few designs and the rest was pure celebrations. He couldn't wait to get back to New York though, so that he could show Isabelle the new designs and everything that he had accomplished during his week away. Although he was enjoying his day at the office with the rest of the staff he couldn't shake Sebastian from his mind. He kept racking his mind for ideas for what Sebastian could have planned for the evening. Knowing Sebastian, Kurt just assumed that he would drag him to a club and get him properly wasted before putting him, hung over, on his six hour flight back home; standing on the edge of the tarmac with a wave, saying thanks for the memories.

When Kurt arrived back at the apartment shortly after five P.M., he found Sebastian already dressed and ready to go in comfortable black jeans and a white cotton v-neck shirt, paired with a charcoal grey cardigan. Kurt looked him up and down, praying that Sebastian wouldn't notice his obvious approval. Although not a word had been spoken between them yet, Kurt could feel something was different in the air around them. Something had changed but not in a bad way, it was just more apparent now than it had been in years. He couldn't put his finger on it and he didn't want to, for fear that once he could pin point what exactly it was, it would change.

"Good, you're back. Go get into something more comfortable and we'll be on our way." Sebastian said with a smile and Kurt just nodded before walking off to the guest room to change. He decided on some simple jeans and a brightly pattered Marc by Marc Jacobs button-up. He pulled his favorite fitted pea coat on over his ensemble and decided that was enough, he wasn't sure if he should be dressing up or not. He did a quick once over of his hair before stepping back out into the living room, where he found Sebastian sitting impatiently on the couch. When he saw Kurt enter the room he stood and grabbed both of the their coats; promptly heading towards the door.

Once they were outside among the rest of the people in the city, Kurt immediately stood on the corner of the street and starting looking for an empty taxi cab. He heard Sebastian call out to him a few paces behind.

"I thought we would just walk instead." Sebastian said quietly as he started down the road in the opposite direction, just enough space for a car to squeeze through but perfect for two people walking side by side. They walked together in silence for a few minutes, Sebastian with his hands in his pockets. They passed empty alleyways and listened to the bustling sounds of Parisians going about their day to day lives. They rounded and corner and Kurt saw it immediately. Café les Deux Moulin.A small cafe on the corner across the street from where they were standing. Kurt had wanted to eat there ever since he had first seen Amélie at a movie-in-the-park night in Lima years ago. He vaguely remembered mentioning it to Sebastian a year or so before but he never expected Sebastian to have remembered.

Kurt looked at Sebastian with a look of complete joy and Sebastian couldn't help but flash his award winning smile back at him. He cherished any moment that he could when it was him who made Kurt as happy as he was now. His smile making the skin around his eyes wrinkle which filled Sebastian with unabashed happiness.

"Come on killer, let's eat some dinner." Sebastian said as he threw his arms around Kurt's shoulders and they crossed the street together.

Dinner was perfect. Kurt's meal was light and simple, his coffee was brewed to perfection and he couldn't stop his eyes from dancing across every detail of the cafe; committing it to memory. While Kurt watched the world go by, Sebastian watched him. He couldn't take his eyes off of him in all honesty. He couldn't put his finger on the feelings that were flittering through his veins while he watched his best friend in complete bliss. He wasn't a fool, he knew that over the past few years his feelings had gone beyond best friend feelings for Kurt; there were times when he felt like Kurt felt just the same way. However, neither of them ever said otherwise. Maybe they were both cowards or maybe he was making it all up in his head.

"So, what's next?" Kurt asked as he turned his rapt attention back on Sebastian and smiled in anticipation. They looked at one either, twin smiles on both of their faces.

"Drinks." Sebastian offered and Kurt nodded in his approval.

"Sounds perfect."

They drank and they danced, each finished drink quickly replaced by another. In no time at all they found themselves sitting lazily on their bar stools, holding onto the side to keep themselves from falling off. Kurt's perfect hair was slightly tousled and his cheeks were flushed red from over exertion. He knew that he should pace himself and keep a better eyes on Sebastian, but the mood of the evening just took over and he was having more fun than he had in a long time.

"Hi-" Kurt heard a deep voice call out from beside him. He turned a saw a tall, blonde man standing beside him and Kurt immediately registered just how gorgeous he was. "I'm Petre, I was wondering I could buy you a drink?" Kurt smiled sweetly, turning his body in the direction of the gorgeous stranger when another voice broke through the moment.

"Sorry, he's here with someone." When Kurt looked back at Sebastian there were plumes of steam rising from his eyes. He watched as Sebastian glared at Petre until the man finally rolled his eyes and walked away, quickly getting lost in the crowd of dancing people. Kurt didn't watch him walk away, he was too busy glaring daggers at Sebastian; who seemed surprised to see Kurt looking so angry when he finally turned his attention back to his best friend.

"What?" Sebastian asked, shouting over the music.

"What the hell was that?" Kurt yelled. He couldn't help but feel enraged. Never once had Sebastian ever stepped in when he was being hit on, especially when they were clearly drunk and at a club; Sebastian usually encouraged Kurt to go chat up guys. He had assumed that since it was his last night in Paris that Sebastian would have indulged him in some shameless flirting.

"You made that guy back off." Kurt found himself yelling louder as an obnoxious remix of a song they used to love blasted over their heads. Sebastian stopped and thought for a moment, he had finally realized what he had done; he had done it without even thinking. He looked at Kurt apologetically but he couldn't find the words he wanted to say. They just watched each other for a long moment without speaking; the multi-colored lights dancing off of their faces like a musical interpretation of their emotions.

"Sebastian..." All seriousness in his raised voice. His eyes didn't look at anything else except Sebastian's face while Sebastian was having a hard time meeting Kurt's eyes.

"Why did you do that?" Kurt asked. No one spoke, it was killing both of them. Their fun night had completely gone down the drain and nothing but awkwardness was left in its wake. Kurt stood up from the bar, a bit uneasily, pulled on his coat before walking towards the exit of the bar. The sun had set completely since they had arrived at the bar and a chill had combed over the hill top community. He started walking down the block in the general direction of Sebastian's apartment. Not more than halfway down the street he heard rushed footsteps catching up behind him.

"Where are you going?" Sebastian called out.

"Back to the apartment." Kurt said without looking back. He heard Sebastian grumble in submission as he continue to follow behind Kurt all the way back to the apartment, close but not too close.

Once they arrived back at the apartment, Sebastian immediately made for the kitchen and started to make a pot of coffee. He needed to clear his head and chase away his buzz. He didn't know where his mind was, he didn't know how to categorize the feelings that were pulsing through him and having Kurt angry at him made him feel nauseous. He was always torn between love and friendly adoration for Kurt and now his mind couldn't handle both. He stood in front of his kitchen window and tried his best to get his thoughts in order. He could see the glowing outline of the Eiffel Tower out in the horizon but he couldn't process it's beauty, his brain only saw it as a blight in the black night sky. He heard Kurt shuffle into the kitchen behind him but he didn't turn to look at him. He knew that if Kurt wanted to talk, he would be the first to speak. Kurt had other ideas floating in his mind however, he didn't want to say what he was thinking with words. He wanted to show how he was feeling. He walked quietly towards Sebastian until he was just mere inches away; Sebastian could feel the warm push of his breath against his bare neck. It caused shivers to run down his spine. Sebastian hardly noticed at first the light tug of one of his belt loops, Kurt was trying to get his attention. He turned around, looking up into Kurt's icy blue eyes; the pupils blown. Seeing Kurt's eyes so side felt like a punch in chest, all his breaths cut short. He noticed off-handedly that Kurt had taken off his jacket, his pale arms revealed beneath the brightness of his shirt.

Nothing was said, nothing needed to be said. The only confirmation that either of them needed was the mutual glances at each other's lips and they both knew. They both wanted this and there was nothing in the way to stop them. Sebastian was the first one to lean towards Kurt, having to dip his head slightly to account for the height difference and when their lips finally met, they both heard it. The click. The click, letting them know that everything was in place, as it should have been from the beginning. Their first meeting at the Lima Bean during their senior years. As if some invisible force was guiding them, with lips locked they stumbled their way out of the kitchen and down the hall towards Sebastian's room. Both of them kicking off their shoes as they went, even when Sebastian almost tripped over his own shoes, their lips never broke and his hold on Kurt's hips never strayed. They could no longer deny the feelings that they had kept hidden from each other for years, everything was spilling through in the scrap of teeth and suckling of lips against lips. There was nothing to hide as they reached Sebastian's dark bedroom and Kurt reached out a flicked on the light. His only thought was we are really doing this as he reached for his best friends belt buckle.

Kurt felt Sebastian's teeth apply pressure to his own soft lips, causing a quick shot of pain to trail across his skin and he thought he was going to cum in his pants right then and there. He pulled away for a moment, not being able to stop himself; he wanted to look into Sebastian's eyes and see what he found there. Not only was he met with a dark, hungry gaze but there was an underlying softness in Sebastian's eyes as well and it made Kurt's stomach flip back and forth with nervousness.

Kurt sat down on the edge of the queen sized bed and Sebastian pushed against the side, pulling Kurt's legs on either side of him; Kurt wrapped his ankles together making sure to hold Sebastian in place. His hands reaching out again and continuing to undo Sebastian's pants, giving Sebastian a bit of space so he could take a step back and watch Kurt. Sebastian stepped out of his pants one leg at a time, not missing a beat; Kurt reminding himself not to stop breathing. He wore black boxer briefs, Kurt had to keep himself from rolling his eyes, as he was wearing the same under his skin tight jeans. Sebastian pulled his hands from Kurt's hair and began to unbutton Kurt's shirt, pleased to see that Kurt hadn't worn an undershirt tonight; less layers to deal with. He had seen Kurt without his shirt off before but never this intimately; his milky skin looked even more flawless than before. Kurt did the same, Sebastian leaning forward a bit so that he could get the cardigan off and the shirt over his head. Kurt ran his smooth hands over the naked expanse of Sebastian's chest; fingertips tracing the trails between freckles; leaning forward and kissing each one.

Sebastian was the first one to make the final move as he lifted Kurt's slender body and laid him down across the surface of his bed; Kurt's head resting on the mound of pillows at the head of the bed. Sebastian's shed the rest of his clothing, climbed into the bed and slid over the length of his Kurt's body, trailing his lips over the exposed flesh on his chest; Kurt's breath hitched with every silky touch. All the hair stood up on Sebastian's arms when he heard Kurt's breath catch in his throat; the excitement in both of them jumped forward a couple notches in that instant. Suddenly, they weren't taking it slow anymore; they were taking each other; in the best way either of them knew how. Sebastian tugged off Kurt's tight jeans; he could see the hardness of Kurt beneath the black cotton of his boxer briefs.

Before Kurt knew it, time flew and they were beyond foreplay. He was suddenly being pinned down by the man he loved more than anything else in the world; the sweat on their skin causing them to slip and slide across each other. He could hardly breathe as he felt Sebastian's lips graze his ear and whisper _in the top drawer_. He felt Sebastian's weight lift off him as he reached for the drawer; moments later there was something cold and slick making contact with his burning skin. He could have sworn he heard Sebastian's hoarse voice whisper _turn over_ but before he could respond, he found himself on his stomach; his senses heightened, completely aware of what was going to happen next.  
He felt those heavenly fingers inside of him; preparing him for the show and he felt like crying. It had been so long since he had felt this kind of sensation; not just the warmth but since he had the passion as well. So long that he felt like an aged old man, like he was bitter and shouldn't deserve this from someone that he loved so much. His thoughts were quickly interrupted as he was gently pulled back by Sebastian's warm hands, hot against his hips; then he felt it. The tip; it was the tip and he was ready, ready to be saved. Sebastian bit the flesh of his bottom lip as he slowly pushed into Kurt; almost losing it at the feeling of Kurt convulsing in pleasure against his cock. Once he was buried all the way inside Kurt, he pulled out and repeated the motion until they built a steady rhythm. Kurt felt a hand wrap around the side of him and take all of him in a tight grip, moving in motion with his thrusts. The low, guttural noises coming from Kurt were enough encouragement he needed to quicken his pace. He knew he wouldn't be able t o hold out for long, not with someone like Kurt. Sebastian had wanted this for too long, fantasized about it too often for him to be able to hold on. A white hot heat that started from the pit of his stomach traveled all the way to the tips of his fingers as he let the sensations take him over. The sensations were almost too much for the both of them, as Sebastian got used to the feel of Kurt's tight ass; his tempo began to pick up. With every thrust of his hips he continued to jerk off Kurt at the same pace. Sebastian could feel the heat pooling at the pit of his stomach and he was beginning to see double vision.

"Oh…no…don't stop." Kurt muttered through pleasurable moans although Sebastian was the furthest from stopping at that point. He could feel himself getting closer to his release with every thrust into Kurt. The movement of his hips was beginning to become more erratic as he knew he was about to cum at any moment.

Sebastian came without warning and every sad, happy, angry and every other genuine moment in their relationship flashed through his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut in pleasure and watched the light dance behind his eyelids. Kurt could feel soft lips kiss him along his spine and hot breath beating onto his skin every time he exhaled.  
The second Sebastian slid out of him and he had the mind to reach between his legs and help himself; a hand came around and did it for him. Kurt flipped over onto his back and looked up into the burning gaze of Sebastian. The palm of his hand felt white-hot; so hot it felt almost cold against his rigid member; it was enough to almost burst over the edge. However, he bit his lip and took steady breaths. He tried his best to keep it going as long as he could; but it had been so long and their rhythm was perfectly in sync; Sebastian knew exactly what spots to hit. After only a heap of well-placed thrusts, Kurt felt himself cum into his lover's hand as he bit back a scream. Kurt had his eyes closed for a long time, trying to calm his heart rate, before he opened them and studied the sweaty and worn face of the man above him. Sebastian let go of Kurt's cock once it began to soften in his palm and he laid down beside him.

Kurt stood from the bed and ran into the bathroom to clean himself up as Sebastian pulled the full condom off of himself, tied it off and tossed into the general direction of his trash bin. He had stars in his eyes, everything was shiny and new as he basked in the afterglow. Kurt walked back into the room, having wiped up every spec of semen off of his chest and climbed back into bed beside Sebastian. He reached towards the foot of the bed and pulled the black comforter over both of their bodies. As much as Sebastian hated the traditional post coitus cuddling, he couldn't help but think that their bodies fit together perfectly. The way Kurt's head slid comfortably in the crook of his shoulder.

Kurt was on the verge of sleep where everything is hazy and he could have sworn he heard the softest _love you_ come from Sebastian before he drifted into his dreams.

Neither of them knowing yet in that moment, that Sebastian would wake up alone.


	6. Chapter 6

_November 30, 2020. New York City._

Kurt woke up frantically at the blaring sound of his cell phone. He reached towards his night stand and gripped his phone tightly, looking at the caller ID. The smiling face of Sebastian Smythe stared back at him. He wanted to just ignore it and go back to sleep, the last thing that he wanted was to be a zombie at work tomorrow but he couldn't. It was nearly two in the morning and he couldn't ignore Sebastian so he hit accept and held the phone up to his ear.

"...hello?" He squeaked out. He was met with a heavy blast of beats and music. _Great, he's at a club and probably wasted._

"Kurt?" Sebastian yelled into the phone. Kurt had to hold the phone back at bit because Sebastian was shouting into the phone so loudly.

"Kurt! You need to come get me!" Sebastian shouted once again and Kurt didn't respond. He could only sigh and shake his head, he knew this was going to happen. Sebastian sounded completely trashed.

"Please, I'm at Temple and somebody stole my wallet. Please?" Kurt couldn't believe it, he had been so busy with work that he actually hadn't seen Sebastian in nearly two months. Not to mention the fact that things had been completely strained between them ever since Paris. Of course Sebastian would choose to end their radio silence like this.

"Please Kurt, I need you." Sebastian yelled over the music. Kurt couldn't say no, there wasn't a way to say no to Sebastian.

"Stay exactly where you are. I'll be there as soon as I can." Kurt muttered before hanging up, before Sebastian could say anything else. He stood and pulled on his old worn, blue Dalton Academy sweatshirt and some jeans.

He absolutely despised driving in New York City, even at two in the morning the streets were littered with traffic. Knowing that Sebastian was waiting for him was making him impatient. When he finally arrived at the club, he pulled up to the curb on the side and caught sight of Sebastian. He was leaning against the wall of the building with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. The moment he saw Kurt's car pull up, his eyes sparked back to life. He visibly relaxed, all the tension in his body disappeared. He dropped the cigarette on the dirty ground and stomped it out before walking over to the car. Kurt was surprised when he noticed that, at the age of twenty six, Sebastian looked exhausted. It was as if he was really ten years older than he was. He wondered when that transition had happened, when he had become this way.

Sebastian climbed into the passenger seat without a word. Kurt wanted to say something, wanted to yell at him for his behavior but he knew that it would only lead to an argument; that was the last thing either of them needed at this point. Kurt drove on through the streets of New York City and eventually took a right turn down a quiet road.

"Where are we going?" Sebastian asked in a haze when he realized that he didn't recognize the street that they were driving on.

"My place." Kurt answered without looking over at Sebastian; he purposefully kept his eyes on the road ahead of him.

"Why?" Sebastian croaked out. Kurt could feel his eyes watching him but he refused to look over at his best friend. Kurt just sighed.

"Because it's closer. I don't really feel like driving all the way to Manhattan at the moment." Kurt answered as if it was the most obvious reason. Sebastian held his breath, as much as he wanted to protest he knew that he would only be in deeper shit if he did. He leaned back in seat and watched the city go by in a blur. He could practically feel Kurt's irritation throughout the car, it was clear that he was biting his tongue of everything he wanted to say to Sebastian.

Once they arrived, Kurt walked into his apartment first, throwing his keys on the kitchen table. Sebastian walked in behind him slowly, afraid of facing everything that was going to be said between them.

"Look Kurt, I'm sorry about this. I didn't have anyone else to call..." Sebastian started to say but Kurt stopped him. He angrily pulled his sweatshirt off and threw it onto the couch.

"Don't say anything Sebastian. I'm exhausted. I haven't heard for you in weeks and the first phone call I get is you, drunk, asking me to come and rescue you? What the hell?" Sebastian could see the rage in Kurt's blue eyes and it made him feel overwhelmed with shame. He wanted to sink into himself and never come out. However, he was here now and there was no escape.

"How could I call you?" Sebastian muttered, looking down at the floor.

"What?" Kurt furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and waited for Sebastian to continue.

"I didn't call you for weeks because every time I saw you or heard your voice, all I could think about was waking up alone in Paris." Sebastian said it so quietly that it came out as a whisper. Kurt closed his eyes as he felt his skin suddenly felt hot and cold all at once. Goosebumps rose across the surface of his arms and neck as the memories of Paris flashed across the dark of his closed eyes. He remembered Sebastian's fingers tracing circles over his skin. How they had fit so perfectly together, as if they had been made to find each other all along. He shook the memories away and opened his eyes to see Sebastian in front of him. He had stepped closer so that they were only a few feet apart. Kurt's couldn't fight it, he looked up into Sebastian's eyes and he could see that they had started to fill up, liquid threatening the brim.

"You ran away from us." Sebastian began. Kurt wanted to take a step back but his legs wouldn't move.

"I had a flight to catch." Kurt tried.

"You felt it that night too, am I right?" Sebastian took another step closer and let his hands reach out towards Kurt, his fingers tracing along the short, silky hairs on the nape of his neck. Kurt closed his eyes and relished in the skin to skin contact. It had been a year since someone had touched him so tenderly.

"You're drunk." Kurt said simply, again looking up into Sebastian's emotional eyes. His pupils were shot and they danced back and forth; unable to focus on Kurt's hurt eyes or any one part of his face.

"Liquid courage, right?" Sebastian mumbled with a strained smile. Kurt rolled his eyes and let his arms fall down at his sides as he took a step back from Sebastian. The hand that was stroking the smooth expanse of Kurt's jaw line now hung uselessly in the air between them.

"Is this the part where you _courageously_ blame me for your loneliness? You _courageously_ confess your true feelings in hopes that I'll fall helplessly into your arms? We don't get a happy ending Sebastian. Not tonight." Kurt turned and walked into the dark hallway behind him. He returned a minute later with a pile of pillows and blankets in his arms. As he set them down on the couch, Sebastian looked at them as if they had just issued him a death sentence. He looked back up at Kurt, his glassy eyes pleading.

"You can sleep out here. I have a long day tomorrow so I'm going to turn in." Kurt said quietly without any emotion towards Sebastian; he didn't even look at him, he couldn't bear to look at him. Sebastian just nodded, sat down on the couch and began to untie his shoes as Kurt walked back down the hallway towards his bedroom.

It was nearly four in the morning and Kurt lay in his bed, his eyes trained on a warped section of his ceiling. He couldn't sleep, he had tried to pretend that he was alone in the apartment, that Sebastian wasn't asleep in the next room. Or awake in the other room, either way having Sebastian in such close proximity was making him nervous. His stomach wouldn't settle enough for him to fall asleep. Every time he closed his eyes all he could think of was Paris, and the insane pleasure that was a first in his life. Even his exciting first experiences back in high school with Blaine couldn't compare. It had been a sexual reawakening with Sebastian, he felt things that he didn't even know that he could feel. Discovered pleasures that had been hidden from him for years and yet, he still ran. He had lied to Sebastian, he didn't have to rush to catch his flight. He wasn't even going to leave Paris until the early evening, it was his impenetrable fear that made him run.

If he had stayed there would have been happy and humiliating cuddles and kisses and Sebastian would have made coffee and eggs, clad in just his briefs or possibly in the nude and everything would have been different between them from then on. They wouldn't just be best friends anymore, they would have been lovers. Kurt's greatest fear was no longer being Sebastian's best friend and being lovers complicated that, it put their friendship in jeopardy. Although now he knew that if he could, he would go back and change everything because either way, their friendship was in jeopardy. He couldn't even speak Sebastian's name without flashes of his nails digging into his flawless skin as they rode each other into oblivion. Even a year later, the memories still awoke the familiar heat in the pit of his stomach.

Kurt climbed out of bed, pushing his heavy comforter aside. He quietly marched down the hallways and peeked his head around the corner. He could see Sebastian asleep on the couch, the blanket pulled up practically to his chin. His hair was tussled, strands falling down onto his forehead. He would have looked peaceful in sleep if it wasn't for the crease stuck between his eyebrows. Kurt wondered what kind of demons plagued his dreams.

He stood in the darkness for a long time, watching Sebastian sleep until he finally retired into his bedroom.


	7. Chapter 7

_November 30, 2021. Paris, France._

"Did you want to go out for dinner tonight, or just stay in?" Kurt asked as he looked up from his laptop; removing his fashionably thick-rimmed glasses and resting them beside his computer. He never thought that he would have ended up needing glasses but at the untender age of twenty-seven he had found his eye sight diminishing. Across the room, in the living room of his apartment, Sebastian sat. The over sized comfy chair made him look smaller than he was; his eyes were buried in his book of the day, one of his favorites _The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides_. The burning sunset cast an orange glow from the window beside him, cascading the rest of the living room in its dwindling warmth. Sebastian looked up from his book, he seemed to be mulling the ups and downs of Kurt's question.

"I would like to stay in...if that's okay?" Sebastian asked tentatively, Kurt just nodded and smiled gently back; Sebastian enjoyed staying in these days. Going out gave too much room for temptation, too many bars to wander into.

It had been about a week since Sebastian had arrived in Paris. He had encountered a massive break down in New York, nearly losing his job and losing everything else around him. Six months after his drunken night and being rescued by Kurt, he finally admitted that he had a drinking problem. He had gone through the usual rehab and eventually he ended up back in Paris. Part of the rehabilitation process with his AA program was to apologize and make amends with the people that he had hurt the most. First was his mother and Isabella and now it was Kurt. He had owned up to everything they had been through in the past few years of their friendship. Kurt had been reluctant at first but he couldn't say no to his best friend, they had been through too much together, good and bad, for Kurt to just write him off. So Sebastian was in Paris, staying at Kurt's apartment for a little while. He slept in the guest bedroom and spent most of his time reading or cooking for Kurt when he got home from work.

Today, Kurt had decided to work from home, giving him some quiet time to catch up on paperwork. He hadn't realized that running a branch of was more paperwork then approving designs and creating his own fashions but he loved it none the less.

"That sounds great. I need a break, all these budget calculations are giving me a head ache." Kurt said with a smile as he stood up from his desk and stretched his arms high above his head. Sebastian dog eared the page that he was on and set the book down on the coffee table; watching Kurt moved about the apartment. Domestic Kurt was his favorite kind of Kurt.

"There is hardly anything to eat in this house!" Kurt shouted as he riffled through the refrigerator. Sebastian walked up beside him and peered inside.

"There's still pot roast left over from last night." Sebastian said as he pointed toward a Tupperware container on the bottom shelf. Kurt stood up straight and looked at Sebastian, noticing immediately how close they were standing to each other. It was their natural state, to be close to one another.

"You don't mind leftovers?" Kurt asked, ignoring the blush that was creeping up onto his cheeks.

"Not at all." Sebastian responded with a quick smile. Kurt shrugged and pulled the Tupperware dish out of the refrigerator and set it down on the kitchen counter. He moved around the room as if he was gliding, pulling out plates and silverware as the roast reheated in the microwave. Sebastian walked back into the living room but only to set a real bookmark in between the pages of his novel. Kurt peered into the room and watched him with gentle observation. The minute wrinkles forming around his eyes, prominent every time he smiled. He could see and feel the changes in Sebastian, his general behavior, the way he spoke to people was so different now that it had been just years prior. It was refreshing to see Sebastian this way, it reminded him why they had become best friends in the first place. They were so similar, they always knew exactly what the other was thinking; without words they understood. He got lost in watching the simple movements of his best friend.

The ding of the microwave went off but Kurt made no move to stop it. Sebastian looked up at him with curiosity as he stepped into the kitchen.

"Kurt? You okay?" Sebastian said as he walked over to the microwave and opened the door. He looked at Kurt with growing concern but the look of Kurt's face was that of contentment. He felt safe and comfortable, a growing warmth washing over him the longer he looked at Sebastian. Sebastian stepped within a foot of Kurt and took his face in his hands, making Kurt look him in the eyes.

"Say something, you're kind of freaking me out." Sebastian said as he contemplated giving Kurt a forceful shake. Kurt looked into Sebastian's eyes and couldn't stop himself from blurting everything that was passing through his mind.

"I love you." There was a pregnant pause, in which the both of them just stared at each other with wide eyes. Kurt couldn't stop his mouth, he continued on.

"In all honesty, I've always loved you. Even in high school when you kept trying to fuck Blaine and you made fun of me for my voice and the clothes that I wore, I think even then. The first time I saw you again in New York, my first thought was _how could he possibly be more gorgeous than he was in high school?" _Sebastian kept his hands on either side of Kurt's face as he spoke. His still eyes on Kurt's frantic ones; his whole body was frozen in place.

"I wish I could go back. I should have told you years ago but I was afraid of what you would say. Afraid that it would ruin our friendship that we had worked so hard to build together. And after Paris, I thought that I had screwed up everything for good but here you are...now, and everything seems.."

"Finished?" Sebastian muttered.

"Yeah. Like this is it? I'm done. Done looking and I can live out the rest of my life as it is now...and I love you Bastian." Kurt finished, his eyes welling up with tears that he wasn't were from happiness or fear. Sebastian took a deep breath, his body physically and visibly relaxing.

"I've been waiting nearly ten years to hear you say that." Sebastian said with a growing smile as his fingertips moved and gripped the short hairs at the nape of Kurt's neck. Tears spilled from Kurt's eyes as Sebastian leaned towards him and captured his lips in the most love-filled-expression-bursting-mind-blowing kiss that he could muster. Sebastian mused as to why he used to drink instead of kiss Kurt, considering it made him feel just as drunk. His kisses were truly intoxicating. They stayed that way together, kissing, for an immeasurable amount of time before Sebastian pulled away.

"The pot roast is getting cold." He whispered against Kurt's lips.

"Fuck the pot roast." Kurt responded hoarsely, his lips red and swollen. He smiled as he tugged on Sebastian's belt loop, pulling him down the hall towards the bedroom.


	8. Chapter 8

_November 30, 2022. Paris, France._

"The hardest part about starting your own book store is figuring out what to name it." Sebastian mused as he sat on a wobbly stool in the middle of the bathroom. A towel wrapped lazily around his shoulders. Kurt walked back into the room with a bowl and brush in his hands; apron pulled on over his clothing; plastic gloves crinkled with every slight movement.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you got a business loan and bought a space." Kurt responded with a coy smile as he began to set everything up on the bathroom counter. In fact, he was ecstatic about Sebastian opening up his own shop. Leaving his family's practice was one of the best decisions of his life, his happiness increased tenfold when he left New York to live with Kurt in Paris. His life had turned completely around. Aside from the fact that he and Kurt were finally together after all their years of dancing around each other; Sebastian also realized his dream of being the proprietor of his own bookstore. Kurt was there every step of the way with his endless words of support and now it was all coming together.

"Do you have to use the bowl?" Sebastian asked as he continued to watch Kurt work beside him; mixing several packets together into a fine paste. Kurt looked down at him in mock offense.

"If we are going to do this, we are going to do it my way. I told you I thought the grey was hot but you insisted on dying it." Kurt said with a shrug as he poured in the color-stay serum into the bowl and continued to mix everything together. He suppressed a giggle as he listened to Sebastian breath an over dramatic sigh.

"Who the fuck goes grey at twenty-eight years old?" Sebastian complained, tugging on the bits of his hair above his ears and beside his temples. It wasn't much, just barely there really; unnoticeable to the casual observer. Kurt however, didn't observe Sebastian casually. He had memorized every inch of Sebastian, every freckle and dimple and perfect imperfection. He had been the first to notice the grey and once he did, it was over. Weeks went by of Sebastian fretting over the appearance of more and more grey in his flawless hair, until he broke down and demanded that they go to the store and pick up some hair dye (Sebastian had worn a beanie and refused to take it off until they got home.).

"Plenty of people start to grey in their twenties." Kurt mentioned off-handedly.

"I'm not most people." Sebastian managed to say through all of his grumbling. Kurt just laughed and began to work the dye into his hair with the brush. Sebastian complained endlessly about the smell and how cold it was against his scalp but Kurt wouldn't give him the satisfaction of starting a useless argument. There was no use in arguing with an ex-lawyer.

"That's very true, you aren't most people Bastian. Most people would start to go grey, have a minor panic attack and move on. But you, as with everything else in life have to make a big spectacle." Kurt said with sing-song happiness in his voice. Sebastian just laughed; the lines around his eyes wrinkling in the most adorable way, it only made Kurt smile wider.

"Yeah yeah, let's just get this over with." He said as Kurt continued to slab on globs of brown hair dye. Once he was finished, only to further embarrass Sebastian further, he pulled a transparent plastic hair net over his hairline. Sebastian complained that it was completely unnecessary but Kurt just laughed at him and turned out of the bathroom to dispose of all the trash.

"You have to leave it in for at least twenty minutes." He called back through the house, his high voice echoing throughout the rooms. Sebastian stood up from his stool in the bathroom and looked himself over in the mirror.

"I swear if you take pictures of me as black mail, I will kill you." Sebastian said just as he heard the click of Kurt's iphone. Sebastian looked at him with an evil glare in his eyes through the mirror. Kurt just smiled innocently at him as he slipped the phone back in his pocket.

"Not black mail, I just think Blaine would get a kick out of a graying, domestic Sebastian." A malicious smile formed on his lips as he stepped out of the doorway of the bathroom. Sebastian groaned but didn't protest, he wanted to keep the mood as light-hearted as he could. In all honesty, he loved this. Being with Kurt in this way was his idea of perfection, the closest to nirvana as he was likely to get to and there was no way that he was going to jeopardize that. He knew deep down inside that he would be content forever living out the rest of his days just like this.

He walked out of the bathroom, down the hall towards their bedroom where Kurt was changing out of his clothes for something more relaxed, relaxed but still very 'Kurt'. He stood in front of their walk in closet in his skinniest jeans and had his hands on his hips as he was deliberating which shirt to wear. His pale skin illuminated by the golden dim light of the lamp beside their bed. Sebastian watched him silently, Kurt's flawless porcelain skin holding all of his attention. Ever since they started living together, Sebastian would find himself stuck staring in just this same way. It was as if he couldn't pull his eyes away from Kurt and his brain had to reboot. Kurt never minded the attention, he loved teasing Sebastian about his staring. Kurt turned and saw Sebastian in the doorway of their bedroom and light laughter filled the room.

"Rendered speechless again?" Kurt teased as he pulled on a loose sweater. He gave himself a once over in the mirror, fixing bits of his hair that had fallen out of place.

"We should get married." Sebastian blurted before he realized that he was about to speak. Kurt froze in place, his hands in his hair. He slowly turned to look at Sebastian, who looked just as surprised as he did. Kurt giggled a bit as he walked towards Sebastian, face to face.

"We practically are already." Kurt said with a kind smile.

"I'm serious. We could do it. We're both still technically residents of New York state. We could." Sebastian spoke quickly, as if he was trying to convince Kurt of something that he didn't want to do. "I love you, you love me and if we practically are already then it wouldn't change us. We could be happy and married." Sebastian finished in a nearly desperate tone.

"Okay." Kurt said but Sebastian kept going.

"I just want it all with you. I never knew that I wanted it all until I saw you again six years ago."

"Okay."

"...and I understand if you think the whole institution of marriage is a sham but I don't know why I just want it with you."

"Sebastian!" Kurt shouted as he placed his hands on his shoulders, forcing Sebastian to stop talking and look at him. "I said okay." Kurt said in a lighter tone before planting a sweet kiss on Sebastian's lips.

"Okay?" Sebastian asked again, the pupils of his eyes dilated and he looked like he was about to faint. Kurt nodded back with an ecstatic smile on his face. They kissed again, passion surrounding them in their bedroom; caution to the wind. Kurt was the first to pull away, savoring the taste of his fiancé on his lips. Sebastian left his eyes closed for a second longer than Kurt, savoring the stillness of the moment.

"Now, let's wash out this hair dye, I don't want it to stain the sheets." Kurt said with a wink.

"Mr. Hummel, are you trying to seduce me?" Kurt only laughed as he started to work open the button of Sebastian's pants.

"I have to try?"


	9. Chapter 9

_November 30, 2023. Paris, France._

One of the things that Sebastian gets teased about the most is how fast everything happened; especially by their best friend Marguerite. The moment they met her in Paris, their friendship was solidified and she became their confidant and the only employee of _Le livre Porcelain_, Sebastian's book store. He would always laugh off her teasing and remind her that her marriage to Kurt really had been years in the making. He kicked back at put his feet up on his desk in the back office of his shop, ready to spend his morning piling over book orders and budget workups.

"Besides, if we were being so hasty why did you agree to surrogate for us?" Sebastian called out towards the front room where Marguerite was pulling a new shipment of books out of their boxes to be sorted through. Her laughter filled the entire shop.

"For leverage. You never know when I may have to blackmail you both." She called back through her laughter. Sebastian giggled to himself as he continued to go through his work. He had so much to finish up and get sorted before the baby was born, which was only three months away. He wanted to make sure that each and every detail was being taken care of.

Of course, as much teasing that went on, both he and Kurt knew how exciting everyone really was. Burt had been beside himself with joy and Carole had cried. Blaine wouldn't stop gabbing on and on about how they both had been so dense and oblivious for years and how happy he was for them. They hadn't asked him yet, but they were going to ask him to be the kid's Godfather; they were just waiting for the right time. The wedding had been small, in New York. Their parents were there, siblings and a handful of friends. They had spent a week there, celebrating with their families and then a week in London. Quietly celebrating together until they had to return to Paris and their jobs. During their honeymoon, the decision to have a child was almost instantaneous and when they asked Marguerite to be their surrogate she didn't even hesitate. They made the mutual decision that their first child would be from Kurt and their second, from Sebastian.

Sebastian couldn't wait to see the baby, he thought about on the daily. He wanted to see if it had Kurt's magnetic blue eyes, his steel gaze and his chestnut hair. Anytime he tried to pull his mind away and think about other things, it always trailed back to imagining the baby in his head. He constantly reminded himself of how lucky he was. He never once in high school imagined that his life would be where it was now. Married and about to be a father; sometimes the thoughts were overwhelming. Although overwhelming, the thoughts never once felt off, he never thought that he was meant to be doing something different with his life. He was always meant to fall in love with Kurt, to be his best friends and husband.

He was letting his mind drift, he was supposed to be fulfilling orders for his books but all he could think about was baby names. He heard the phone in the front room but he thought nothing of it. He could barely hear the quiet murmuring of Marguerite answering the phone but then there was silence. She moved in silence; arriving like a shadow in his doorway.

"Sebastian?" Her voice was just above a whisper and it took Sebastian off guard, she was usually so loud and bubbly. Sebastian looked up, his eyes full of playfulness but it fell away when he saw Marguerite's expression. She did not look playful or happy in anyway. His eyes asked her what was going on, no words were needed.

"You have a phone call." Marguerite said before quietly leaving the room, lingering just outside the door; any minute now she knew she would be needed. Sebastian sat in contemplation as he watched the blinking light of line one, someone just waiting on the other end of the line for him to pick up. He thought of who it could be; his mother, concerned about his well being for once? Possibly Isabelle calling to complain once again about their mother's over protectiveness. He sighed and picked up the phone, clicking on line one.

"Thanks for holding, this is Sebastian." He spoke so formally, something he couldn't shake from his days as a lawyer.

"Mr. Smythe-" a deep voice.

"Hummel-Smythe." Sebastian corrected. He hadn't meant it to be rude, he was just used to correcting people these days.

"Sir, this is Cpt. Galliard of the Paris Police force. We believe your husband was the victim of a hit and run this afternoon. I would like to ask if you could come by the hospital to identify the body." The words echoed into him but they never escaped, the just sat in the pit of his stomach. The words repeating in his mind. Accident. Victim. Body. Key words that would not leave.

"There was an accident?" Sebastian asked finally, his voice hoarse.

"Yes. According to witnesses he was on his mo-ped and a delivery van..." The captain trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence. Not over the phone.

"They hit him...and didn't stop?" Sebastian asked, even though he already knew the answer. He understood the man the first time but he couldn't stop from asking. Kurt was hurt, so hurt that they couldn't identify him. The captain could only give him quick, detached confirmations.

"But he'll be okay." Sebastian said quietly, not sure if he was speaking to the captain or just to himself. He had heard him.

"Mr. Hummel-Smythe, your husband is dead. We need you to come identify the body." Clearly, so that there was no mistaking his words. Everything inside of Sebastian felt frozen and sweltering all at once. He listened mutely as the captain told him which hospital and which doctor to ask for. Sebastian said nothing the entire time. He just hung up when there was a lull in the man's words. He stared ahead at nothing, surrounded by nothing but the quiet.

He looked at his computer screen and the smiling faces of himself and Kurt looked brightly back at him. It had been taken during their brief honeymoon in London. Kurt couldn't be away from work for too long so they had only been able to take a week but they milked it for all they could. It was one of Sebastian's favorite times in his life, when he experienced some of his most cherished moments. It was then that he and Kurt had planned out their entire future; curled around one another in bed after their second night was when they decided to start a family together.

He couldn't look at his computer any longer. He had somewhere to be, a boy to see. He stood from his desk and pulled his coat on before stepping out of the office. Marguerite was there by his side instantly, one hand on her swollen belly and a look of concern or fear on her face; Sebastian couldn't quite tell.

"Bastian, what's going on?" She asked although she was afraid to know.

"Kurt was in an accident. I have to go identify his...body." Sebastian spoke and Marguerite was shocked into silence. Although he could tell that she only wanted to be able to sit and cry over her friend, she stayed strong by his side. Her eyes unblinking as she rest a gentle hand on his arm; he hadn't realize before then that he was shaking.

"Will you come with me? I don't think I could do this by myself." Marguerite suspected that he was talking about more than just going to the hospital. She took his hand and tried her best to smile.

"I'll close up the shop." Sebastian just nodded mutely at her words.

So she did just that, she closed the shop down for the day, leaving an apologetic notice taped to the door. They took the underground subway together to the hospital. Once inside the sterile hospital Sebastian thought that he could start crying at any moment. It surprised him that he hadn't started crying yet. He only assumed that he was in so much shock that his body wasn't allowing what had happened to be true. Sebastian and Marguerite were led down a stark white hallway by a doctor towards the morgue. The smell of the room once the entered made Sebastian feel physically ill right away. Marguerite hung behind beside the door, letting Sebastian do this alone. He stepped towards the body on the table that the doctor was referring to as Kurt. It was the longest walk the he had ever taken, even as the doctor was pulling the sheet aside Sebastian felt like he was moving in slow motion.

He let his eyes drift down, his gaze landing on the body in front of him. He thought someone came from behind and slugged him right in the kidney's because his knees buckled and his choked back bile as he landed on the cold, unfriendly floor of the morgue. There was no question that it was Kurt on the table, he would never not recognize the love of his life. Amazing Kurt, bubbly Kurt; his amazing husband. He didn't want to believe that the lifeless body on the table above him was all that was left of his bright shining husband. He vaguely felt warm arms wrapping themselves around his shoulders, a head tucking itself into the crook of his neck but he leaned into the embrace without much thought. He didn't know how long he had been there, sobs finally racking his chest; making each inhale feel like sharp knives going into his stomach. The only thing that he could think was that with everything he had done in his life, he must have deserved this.


	10. Chapter 10

_November 30, 3024. Paris, France._

Marguerite wakes up with a start and gazes around the darkness of her room. Her eyes taking their sweet time adjusting to the lack of light. She hears the sounds of a man's muffled pleas and strangling cries, bordering on gargles. She lays back down for a moment before glancing at the clock beside her bed. It was nearly four in the morning, she had to be up to open the shop by seven and she had only laid down two hours before. She sighed, hoping that it would give her some kind of comfort but all she could think about was the crying baby in the next room and the panic of the man trying to get her to stop.

She stood up out of bed and pulled on an over sized sweatshirt, the one that Kurt had given to her when it had gotten to ratty for him to even wear. Her feet made soft padded sounds as she walked out of her room, which used to be their office and down the hall. Sebastian had converted the office back into a bedroom just before Moira had been born. The crying only got louder as she made her way down the hall towards Sebastian's bedroom. She hesitated for a moment outside the door before stepping inside without knocking.

"Bastian?" She called out quietly. He turned to look at her, surprised and almost relieved. He was holding Moira in his arms, lightly bouncing her to try and get her to stop crying; to lull her back to sleep. He looked exhausted but who could really blame him? Only three months after Kurt had died, Moira had been born. Now he was a single father, living in a foreign country with a business to a keep afloat. Not only that, but just as Sebastian had expected, Moira was the spitting image of Kurt. Icy blue eyes and soft light brown hair; she even had a little turned up nose just like him. When she had first been born he had been almost afraid to touch her, she seemed so fragile.

It took nearly a week after Moira had been born for Sebastian to ask Marguerite to move in and help him with Moira and she hadn't even hesitated to say yes.

Now Moira was nearly nine months old and although it had gotten easier, there were times when Sebastian would start to feel overwhelmed; that's when Marguerite steps in, in the moments in-between when you could tell Sebastian was wishing that Kurt was there to help him. He always had confidence, even in the moment when he and Kurt had decided to have children that Kurt would be a natural. Himself however, he was having a difficult time falling into the role of being a father. The feeling of giving up and giving in plagued him every day since Kurt had died.

Although the temptation of falling back on old habits haunted him every day, he never started drinking again. His thoughts began to dwell on things like this but Marguerite spoke and saved him from his revere.

"Why don't you go into the kitchen and relax for a bit? I can watch over Moira for a while." She whispered in her calmest tone, speaking in front of Moira this way seemed to sooth her. Her cries became slightly less frantic. Sebastian looked at her with appreciation swimming in his eyes. He looked back down at Moira for a split second before Marguerite was by his side, sliding her out of his arms so that she could hold him. He stepped out of the room quickly and was hit by a wall of cool air, he hadn't even realized his room had been so stiflingly hot. He stepped into the kitchen and started brewing a pot of coffee, one for himself and another for Marguerite. He glanced at the clock and noted that it was nearly three in the morning; he wondered how long he had actually been asleep. Not long.

That meant that it was nearly nine P.M. in Lima, Burt would just be sitting down to watch Sports Center before turning in for the night. Sebastian didn't even give it a moment's hesitation, he picked up the phone and dialed the long transatlantic phone number and listened to it ring. It kept ringing for so long that Sebastian was sure that it was going to get picked up by the machine and he really didn't want to talk to an answering machine right now. Then he heard and click and knew before even any words were spoken, that someone had picked up the phone. He could feel the nervous pressure drain from his fingertips; he hadn't even realized that he had been holding his breath.

"Hello?" Said the deep, calming voice of his Father-in-Law over the other side of the line.

"Burt?" His voice cracked as he spoke, he hated that he sounded so weak but he couldn't help it. Thankfully this was Burt, the one person it was okay to be weak in front of, or over the phone with.

"Sebastian?" Burt asked over the phone, his voice sounding distant. It broke Sebastian that he was so far away from his Father-in-Law. Just after Kurt had died both Burt and Carole flew out to Paris for the funeral and to help Sebastian with anything. Carole returned to Lima after two weeks because she couldn't be away from work for too long, but Burt stayed until Moira had been born. He tried his best to help Sebastian through the pain as well as working through his own; he also helped with the early stages of being a father because Sebastian felt completely lost without Kurt's help. He looked like a lost puppy every day as he watched Moira experience the world for the first time without her father.

"What's going on buddy?" Burt asked but Sebastian was quiet for a long while, trying to convince himself not to cry. It was so difficult when Burt's voice was so overwhelmingly comforting; he felt like collapsing in on himself.

"I don't know if I can do this." Sebastian finally croaked out, noting the long sigh from Burt. Sebastian was afraid, incredibly afraid that Burt would be disappointed with him. His son's widower who was too afraid of their daughter to take of her.

"I know it feels like that now." Burt spoke in a quiet, reserved fatherly tone.

"Every time I look at her, all I can see is Kurt." Sebastian interrupted, feeling like he needed to properly explain himself to Burt. A tear warmly slipped down his scruffy cheek. He noted in the back of his mind that Moira had stopped crying in the other room and he released a breath that he didn't realize he was holding.

"That was exactly how it was every time I looked at Kurt after his mother died. You're almost afraid to make eye contact with them." Burt said quietly, there was a long silence between them before Burt continued. "It happened to me again the first time I looked at Moira." Burt said in sadness. This wasn't what Sebastian wanted, he hadn't wanted for Burt to be sad about Kurt being gone. He hadn't wanted to stir up buried feelings.

"I'm sorry Burt...I didn't mean to..." He didn't know how to finish the sentence. He hadn't needed to because Burt interrupted him.

"Do not apologize to me kiddo. I know you are having a rough time with everything. Raising a kid on your own can be incredibly challenging, and the fact that it's the anniversary of Kurt's...well, I know how you are feeling." Burt finished quietly as Sebastian began to feel the heat of tears stinging his eyes full force. It had been a year, he wasn't going to say anything to Burt but of course the older man remembered.

"I just...don't understand why...it took us so long to finally be together. Our lives were going to be perfect and then suddenly he's just gone..." Sebastian began to cry a bit more, Burt was able to clearly hear the harsh sniffles on the other end of the line.

"You know...after the first time you two met again in New York, Kurt called me and told me all about it." Sebastian's ears perked up at the mention of this moment. Kurt had never told him about telling his Dad about their run in at the coffee shop. "I was worried at first because I remembered the things that you had done in high school, so I asked him if you had done anything wrong and he just laughed at me and said 'we're adults now, Dad' like he was insulted or something. A few days later he called and told me about the coat. Said that you had ruined his by spilling coffee on it and when he came into work the following Monday, you had a new one there waiting for him. That's when I heard it in his voice, his feelings for you were there. They had always been there I think, somewhere deep inside but when he saw that damn coat, pressed and ready for him, it sparked inside of him."

Burt finished and Sebastian could feel silent tears streaming down his face. Hearing the story made him feel close to Kurt. There were still new things to learn about him, things he did and people he spent time with when he wasn't around, the newness felt like Kurt was right there next to him, embracing him with his strong arms.

"He never told me that..." Sebastian said, a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips. He knew that Burt couldn't hear the change in his voice and he gave a shirt, reassuring laugh.

"Listen, Kid. My offer still stands, if you want to come back stateside for a while, Carole and I could always lend a helping hand with Moira. It might help...to be closer to family." Sebastian knew that Burt was referring to himself as family and that gave him more comfort than anything else. He nodded even though he knew that Burt couldn't see it. He wiped his eyes free from tears with the back of his hand and listened for a while to the quiet hum of lullabies that he could hear coming from his bedroom.

"Thank you, Burt..." He wanted to say more but he really didn't know what else that he could say. He knew that Burt understood everything that he was going through, there weren't many ways to articulate his feelings. "...just thanks." Sebastian said weakly before the traded pleasantries before they got off the phone with each other. Sebastian looked at his phone for a while, processing everything that Burt had said to him. Thinking back eight years ago when he literally ran into Kurt in that coffee shop, spilling coffee all over the lapel of his favorite Burberry coat. He usually didn't believe people when say would say cliché things about love at first sight, or catching a glimpse of your own future in someone's eyes but now that he looked back on that day, that's exactly what had happened. The other obstacles, other boyfriends and addictions and all the other detours were just that, detours.

They eventually reached their destination and their separation now was just another block in the road.


	11. Chapter 11

_November 30, 2025. New York City._

Sebastian felt that he was more bundled up then he should have been. It wasn't snowing, it wasn't raining and yet he was completely encased in outerwear. Scarf around his neck and his navy wool pea coat. His eyes were a dull blue as he gazed out of the window in his kitchen, sipping on a lukewarm cup of coffee; facing him was a wonderful view of New York City and Central Park but he had seen it enough times to stop marveling at his beauty. On a day like today, him and Kurt would have both cooked a small breakfast for the three of them and they would have taken Moira on a walk through the park. Instead all he's had to eat or drink was coffee and he gave Moira a bowl of Cheerios. Granted, he was used to the fact that nothing would be as he expected it to be. He heard a shuffling sound coming in through the hallway and for a brief moment he closed his eyes and pretended that it would be Kurt; softly speaking his name and asking him if it was cold enough outside for a scarf.

The shuffling got closer until he felt a small hand tug on his pant leg. He opened his eyes and looked down to meet the eyes of his daughter; nearly two years old and her azure eyes sparkled and took a hold of him.

"You ready to hit the town?" Sebastian said with excitement and Moira just smiled at him. She lifted her arm so that Sebastian could take her hand and lead her out of the apartment.

It was cold outside, not quite enough for a scarf but Sebastian didn't want to go all the way back up to the house to take it off. Moira was wearing her favorite jacket, all blue and puffy with fur lining the hood. Once they were down on the sidewalk the chill hit them both to the bone. Moira began wining immediately about how cold she was, trying to put together words as best she could. She was so much like Kurt sometimes that it pained Sebastian. She demanded to be held and Sebastian couldn't resist her.

"You know, it's not a walk if I have to carry you the whole time." Sebastian said with a laugh in his voice. He knows most of what he was saying was lost of her but he couldn't help it; all these years and he was still used to banter. He always expected someone to bite back.

It only took two months after his conversation with Burt for Sebastian to decide to move back to the States. He didn't go all the back to Ohio but back to New York. Close enough that Burt could fly out to help him and close enough to the memory of Kurt, back in his favorite city in the whole world.

It took a bit longer for everything to get sorted in France. He signed the bookstore over to Marguerite the first chance that he got. It was an excruciating experience moving on from that part of his life. Le livre Porcelain had been the first piece of his life that he had built together with Kurt and now he was giving it to someone else and leaving it behind. It was something he couldn't do lightly. Of course Marguerite agreed wholeheartedly and promised to take care of the shop for him. The last thing she said to him was that any time he was ready to come back to it, it would be there waiting for him. So Sebastian packed up his life and moved himself and Moira back to New York City.

Burt and Carole came for a week to help him settle into his new apartment; Carole came mostly to play with Moira. Burt, to the best of his abilities helped to build furniture and unpack boxes full of mementos. Framed photographs of Sebastian and Kurt throughout the years, boxes of Kurt's old sketchbooks all jam packed with his design ideas. Sebastian spent hours looking through all of it with Burt, sharing their favorite memories of Kurt; even when it tugged on their heartstrings.

Sebastian opened the door to the cafe and memories came flooding back. The cafe looked virtually the same as it did eleven years before. The first time he had run into Kurt there he had only been popping in because he was desperate for a coffee break; he jumped into the first cafe he saw and fate had done the rest. He saw Kurt's gorgeous face, his eyes practically glowing with anger after Sebastian had knocked his coffee on his pea coat. It seemed like such an insignificant moment at the time, he wished he had known that he and Kurt were meant to end up together, he would have tried a lot harder and from the very beginning. He would have gotten his life together a lot sooner.

"Hello sir, what can I get you?" The barista on the other side of the counter asked, looking a little irritated that he had been spacing out in front of the menu; holding up the line. Sebastian smiled politely nonetheless.

"Can I just get a mocha and a child's hot chocolate." The mention of hot chocolate made Moira's eyes light up and Sebastian noticed with a smile as he paid the barista and moved off to the side to wait for their drinks. Moira tucked her head tiredly into his shoulder as he held her tightly in his arms. Once their drinks arrived however, he had to set Moira down. He watched her as she tentatively watched her surroundings, he always wondered what was going on in her head. He handed her hot chocolate down to her her and she took it with an excited smile. He had to warn her not once but twice that it was too hot to drink. They stepped out of the cafe hand and hand back into the chill of the morning. It was only a few blocks down the road to their spot, their favorite cast iron bench in all of Central Park. It used to case a deep ache within Sebastian because coffee in Central Park just made him think of Kurt and all their lazy weekend mornings; the endless conversations, hardly any lulls between opinions being thrown, Kurt was always so full of them. Now however, it was a tradition among Moira and himself, so the ache eventually became a dull sting.

They arrived at the bench and sat side by side, quietly sipping on their drinks. Moira leaned in close to Sebastian making him wonder if she was going to be clingy when she got older. He smiled at the thought.

He saw a woman off in the distance pushing a stroller in their general direction. She sipped on a coffee and looked utterly exhausted. Remembering the struggles he went through when Moira was that age he was overcome with the need to call Marguerite when he got home and see how she was doing. He knew that he never would have done it without her back then. The woman made eye contact with him and they both smiled at each other politely.

"It gets easier when they get older." Sebastian said, his eyes gleaming with a sense of pride for having made it this far; and making it out unscathed. The woman laughed slightly, looking with a curious eye towards Moira, who was concentrating solely on her hot chocolate; ignoring her father and the rest of the world around her.

"She's gorgeous." The stranger said. Sebastian's first thought was that this woman had no idea just how beautiful his daughter was. He was just going to offer a simple 'thank you' and have them both go about their days but just as he looked down at Moira, she looked up at him and their eyes met. Those perfect blue eyes gleaming up at him. He smiled slightly and looked back up at the woman.

"Thank you. She got all the looks from her father." Sebastian said with a sad smile that the woman didn't catch. She just nodded politely and continued on her way. Sebastian watched her figure retreat down the trail for some time.

_It seemed like a long way to walk on your own but it was well worth the adventure._


End file.
